Plushie Pr0n
by Wicked Child
Summary: There are just some things you aren't supposed to know about your village leader. Or his next container. Poor Kabuto. [crack!fic vaguely SasuSaku]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Naruto_. I don't own _Spaceballs_ which is where I took this idea in part. I only own the odd humor that put these two together.

**AN:** Um, the result of a challenge held on Blissful Ignorance in the Naruto Forum. So, all blame really goes to Cheryl and Lars. Also felt that it would be appropriate at this site since there isn't any "real" smexing. It's just all an illusion. :waves hands: See?

**Plushie Pr0n: Part One**  
by Wicked Child

"Sakura, at last we are alone."

"Oh no! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you Sasuke-kun! I hate what you've become! Leave me alone. Yet I still find you so attractive."

"Of course you do. Konoha kunoichi are often attracted to the Sharingan and power and I have both and you know it!"

"Oh leave me alone!"

"No, kiss me."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No! No! Yes! No! Yes, yes! Ohhh… Oh Sasuke-kun, your kunai is so big!"

The door burst open, revealing a slightly frantic Kabuto. "Orochimaru-sama!"

"What?" The demented Sannin screeched.

"You're needed outside right away!"

"Knock on my door. Knock next time!" Orochimaru clutched the two soft forms to his chest, partly in effort to calm his beating heart and also in part to prevent his loyal pawn from seeing what he was doing.

"Yes sir!"

A moment of pause passed between the men.

"Did you see anything?"

"No sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."

"Good!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Oh come on now! If _Naruto_ were owned by me, the manga and anime would both be filled with smut loving scenes involving Sakura (because she is that bad ass).

**AN:** When I first wrote _Plushie Pr0n_ this part was included. Yet it didn't seem to fit and even with this part I cut several things out making it what it is now. I don't know…it just had to be done. I still blame Cheryl and Lars. It's their fault!

**Plushie Pr0n: Part Deux**  
by Wicked Child

Walking away, toward the disturbance that caused the latest interruption for his master's hobby, Kabuto noticed Sasuke walking toward his own quarters. That was nothing unusual, however what the young man carried and seemed to be absently twirling in his hand was. In Sound, there was not a sakura tree in or near the hidden village. Not for miles; in fact the closest grove that harbored the tree was near the country border.

The medic-nin often wondered what the young man would do if he ever found out that Orochimaru was planning on taking over his body. He suspected that the Uchiha wouldn't be pleased, seeing as he wanted to resurrect his clan, and would retaliate accordingly. However he was downright frightened at the prospect of the avenger ever discovering the plushie porn incidents that occurred regularly. He was more than certain that Sasuke would rip the place down in his fury.

Following his fellow Sound-nin, Kabuto stealthily made his way to Sasuke's room. Once outside the closed door Kabuto listened intently. After a few moments he nearly fainted.

"Rawr! I'm Gaara and I'm going to squeeze this woman to death with my sand demon self!" The voice was a poor imitation of someone who was supposed to sound gravely and evil. Instead it sounded more like Cookie Monster. On crack.

"No one will hurt my Sakura-chan!" This voice was high-pitched and nearly feminine. Kabuto had to admit it did remind him of the loudmouth for whom the voice represented.

"Then fight me Uzumaki!" What sounded like a fight ensued on the other side of the door until Gaara claimed victory over Naruto. "Ha ha! I am so badass, not even your fox can beat my badger! Ha ha!"

"Oh who will save me now?" The Sakura-voice was rather soft, but did nothing to remind the eavesdropper of the pink-haired girl. "Oh no! I'm doomed!"

"I'll fight you Gaara of the Sand!"

"Uchiha Sasuke! Sharingan!"

Another fight took place, this time much shorter…much, much more shorter than the previous battle. A slight _shooshing_ sound made it's way to Kabuto's ears until the Sakura-voice spoke again.

"Oh Sasuke-kun! You were so brave and sexy!"

"Of course Sakura, I'm an Uchiha and we're elite."

"How can I ever repay you Sasuke-kun?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I do need to restore my clan…."

"Oh Sasuke-kun! I'd love to! How about now? As in right now?"

"Anything to restore my clan, and please you little lady."

Kabuto slowly backed away from the supposed genius's room as kissing noises were being made. It was then that Kabuto learned of his biggest fear. Some people were afraid of spiders and bugs. Others feared failure and success. Him? He feared plushie porn. Hell he feared plushies period.

Forget clowns, plushies were the spawn of Satan.


End file.
